would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize