I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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