So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
