Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize