why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
His hands were made for my vagina.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
