would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
