remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Farmville is her only friend.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
