I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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