What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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