Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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