He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Randomize
