Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
