Will you blow on my dice?
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
