my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
She's the barista slut.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
