He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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