wakey wakey hands off snakey
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Randomize
