Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
