Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
