we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
