y did u give ur computer a hand job?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
