i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Randomize
