I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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