sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
