new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
