I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
