she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
