your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
