my being single is dangerous.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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