So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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