i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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