I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
