You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He shit in the fireplace
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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