Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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