I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
