East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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