Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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