I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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