And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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