we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
