so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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