i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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