you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
