I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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