My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
