I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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