just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
