I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
