You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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