I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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