You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
