omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
