dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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