Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
