Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize