And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
