You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
