she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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