you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
