By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
