we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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