I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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