Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
