Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
