Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
