Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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