I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I think my vagina is haunted
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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