You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
It was confusing and full of hummus
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
