Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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