and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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