Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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