i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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